During introductions for an exercise group, someone posed a question about New Year’s resolutions. As we went around the circle, the usual stuff came out: less work, more quality time, less debt, more exercise… you know the drill. I thought about what my resolution would be if I had one. I was tempted to say what I say every year, “I resolve to have no resolutions.” which is a polite and diplomatic way of saying, “None of your beeswax.”
As I was turning hither and yon over: none of your business and fewer whisky, crack, and hooker binges, someone shared their resolution that struck me pretty hard. She said her resolution was to hold her husband’s hand more often. The sweet simplicity of this intention really struck a chord with me. All too often, with working, doctoral classes, beansprout and just keeping myself bathed semi-regularly, we (both the lovely and talented Mrs. eSquared and I) forget the simplest things that bring us the greatest joy.
I was touched by this declaration and resolve (not a New Year’s resolution) to follow suit.
Incidentally, when my turn came, I blurted out something I’ve been thinking about lately. My 2008 New Year’s resolution: to build new connections, re-connect, or strengthen existing connections with those people I care about.
In March of 2007, my life changed drastically. Although I wouldn’t have guessed it… I was the one who graduated and had a baby. As a matter of fact… I would have been the last person. Most of my friends (save a few very dear ones) cannot relate to me anymore. I sure as hell can’t relate to them. I just don’t get why no one wants to talk about the frequency, texture and stickiness of baby poop while I’m out for beers with friends. Oh.. they nod and smile, but the blood draining from their face as they turn a grayish-green is a sure give-away.
I tell myself I haven’t changed. I still think about philosophy, literature and eating solid foods, uh, I mean postmodernism. I even have books on my list; by Jacques Derrida, Ian Tattersall, Fernando Pessoa and Jose Saramado. Unfortunately, they’re behind “The No-Cry Sleep Solution,” and “Super Baby Food.”
I digress… I was thinking of the people that I have drifted apart from, for one reason or another. Life’s currents, circumstances, once-strong bonds loosen, then unravel. Nothing so dramatic as an argument, or hurt feelings; no. Perhaps something more insidious… apathy.
As a younger person, I told myself that we stay, in essence, the same person. Small, unimportant things about us change, or we change peripherally, but authentically, we stay the same. More specifically, I am the same person that I was before you knew me, as were you. I am the same person I was when we met, as were you, and I am the same person you developed a bond to, as are you.
Not so. This is all a perception that is based on the the metaphors that we all use to frame ourselves. Richard K Morgan was able to solidify the thought for me:
What we thought of as personality was no more than the passing shape of one of the waves in front of me. Or. slowing it down to more human speed, the shape of a sand dune. Form in response to stimulus. Wind, gravity, upbringing. All subject to erosion or change.
Ok… I’m tired. If this makes any sense… good. At least I wrote something.
I’m workin on quite a few old crow posts… she’s up to her old self.
Postmodern Dad 